ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
