I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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