how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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