There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Randomize
