You're my little dorito
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
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