oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
you traded sex for a burrito?
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
