she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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