i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
