yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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