"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
