Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
