sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
