I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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