ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
