Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize