I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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