she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
