I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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