My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
