ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
