I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
