So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
