When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
