"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
