You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
