He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
