Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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