Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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