great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
FUCK WHALES
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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