All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
