I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize