when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
My liver just had a heart attack.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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