Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
this will be a night to untag.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
