He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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