i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Randomize
