There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize