i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
