went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
