im drinking this country out of the recession.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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