i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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