just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
