Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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