so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
