Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
