she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I am midnight drunk by noon
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Randomize
