My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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