At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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