I'm drive I can fine osifer
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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