Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
