Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Randomize
