He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
