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Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
