i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
