I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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