Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
