The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Randomize
