Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize