so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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