So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
vagina is talking i cant
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
