you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
