There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize