I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
