apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
