I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
