apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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