Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
